I had a burst of tears this evening. It surprised me because all is okay in my world in spite of what the news is telling us all. I was apologetic to Gene and I was taken aback at my sudden irrational display of emotion. I think of myself as level headed, strong willed, reasonable and logical in a crisis situation. I tend to bark orders at anyone in the vicinity of an emergency situation, then walk away afterwards to write a critique. So spontaneous tears surprised me this evening.
Gene, my partner, is a wise man in many ways. He is especially wise in how to communicate with me, clearly, addressing sometimes painful and emotional aspects of this woman’s worldview. He quelled my apology with gentle words of support and a reminder that I need never apologize for crying. He eased me into conversation about what was on my mind, gently questioning and repeating what I had to say to him.
Together we came to the conclusion that my tears were of grief. Grief for the world we are stepping away from, being pushed away from, torn from even. Grief for the people who do not have the means to protect themselves even for a short while with very little to no shelter. No way to acquire, store, nor prepare food for any period of time. There are so many people who do not have the means to do these few basic things.
I am grieving for the person with an abscessed tooth and no dentist, the mother who can’t get home to her children, the couple who have to postpone their wedding, an old woman and her dog – alone. The list goes on.
I am grieving at how this virus is changing the way we shop, move around the world and our own neighborhoods, interact with family, friends and others. I am grieving at the loss of great leaders who care more for the peoples welfare than they do their own benefit.
The list still goes on.
If you are experiencing stress, anxiety, anger, frustration, fear, lack of control, confusion about how we got here; maybe you too are grieving for the loss of something slipping from your grip.
The world changes every day, every year. This world passes through the solar system and moves deeper into the cosmos; we, along for the ride.
Sometimes it gets bumpy.
Reach for a friend, write a letter; reach for some peace, allow yourself kindness; reach for the Man Upstairs, pick some flowers, meditate, wash dishes with intention, breath a little slower. This might be the best moment we have for a while.
We’re going to have to give this some time to change into something better. And we are going to have to make some adjustments as the wheel turns.
A lot is going to be required from each of us and we will need to do our best.
“It is not enough that we do our best; sometimes we must do what is required.”